Tim, my ex is very passive/aggressive. During our marriage I was always the one to speak up when there was a problem. The one who wanted to find solutions. He took the passive stance. In other words he allowed me to think I was in control and getting things done.
When the marriage was over he used all that control he had given me to beat me over the head with it. A passive/aggressive person will sit back, do nothing, give you the control and then eventually turn it around on you.
Our spouses withholding sex from us is a covert way of punishing us. My ex husband has a terrible relationship with our oldest. He withholds help with college tuition in an attempt to punish him. He doesn't have and didn't have with me during the marriage the emotional integrity to express his anger and resentments. What better way to get angry with someone and still appear to be a good person than to withhold something and then gladly give it once you ask for it?
They take pleasure in depriving others, they feel in control by making others ask instead of giving in and giving what the other person needs.
It goes back to what PM says about not wanting to want. If they don't let you know they want you they remain safe in the relationship. The passive/aggressive has to keep others at arms length. Cathy
