My ex used to say, "if you want sex all you have to do is ask for it." I was like you, honeypot, in that I wanted it to be playful. Most of the time it was like setting up a play date and having to be VERY specific about what I wanted when I wanted it.

He was very passive when it came to our sex life. Why are people passive about getting something you know they want deep down?

This is the way I look at it. When I would show my husband the "goods" and he continued on as if he had seen nothing more than the bottom of my feet it was hurtful. Not only was it hurtful, it made me wonder if there wasn't something wrong with the man. It had been my experience in the past that, doing such a thing got an immediate response.

My ex was military, one summer he spent 2 months in Italy. When he got home I paraded around naked, did everything in my power to seduce the man in a non-verbal way. Finally, 6 days later I had to ask for it. He never turned me down when I asked for it but I got so tired of dealing with someone who would not respond to me when it was evident what I wanted.

I don't think questions like this have answers unless the other person is willing to give input into their behavior. Is it ignorance or do they know and are ignoring us for some reason.

I think more than likely they know and are choosing to play the passive role in the exchange. Since my divorce I've seen my ex husband do this sort of thing with my sons. My oldest is in college. The man will not voluntarily give the child money that he knows the child needs BUT if the child goes to his Dad and asks for it he gladly gives it.

What does it say about someone who will withhold something they know you want or need until you ask for it? What does it mean when someone will deny themselves something they want if you don't go to them and ask for it?

I know my ex wanted sex with me, I know he wants a relationship with his children. He is passive about the things that have the biggest emotional impact on him. I'm not sure there are answers to questions like this.
Cathy