I’m sorry you are still struggling four years later.
The mind is very powerful thing and if he feels he will never have romantic feelings fo you then he won’t no matter what changes you make. He’s looking for the same feelings from you that he got from the affair and that’s just not possible.
I’m really wondering why your still in counseling because with his mindset your just wasting money? A two year affair with you one of your good friends is a pretty serious behavior that should have never been tolerated.
Time and space are the only thing that turn these situations around long term. For things to work it he needs to see you area a person of value, that life is better with you then it is alone or with anyone else and he is willing to work to have you.
I think you understand where you are what you need to do and getting there is the hard part.
