maybe the handholding stuff is progress, and maybe it's not. It's hard to know. If it is, though, you don't want to make a big deal about it-- remember the whole treating him like a feral cat thing. I'd be super sure not to act like it means anything (sounds like that is already what you're doing).
If you feel like an Uber driver... stop driving him to and from the airport. Let him get his own dang Uber. You have better things to do, even if the better thing is just not feeling resentful anymore about driving him around. It sounds like you're doing a great job at focusing on you and not letting what he is or isn't doing or feeling bother you-- that is huge, congrats on getting there!!-- but if there are still things you do for him because he's your H, unless those things give you pleasure or you'd do them anyway-- like it is more of a PITA to not set him a place at dinner than to just let him eat with the family-- I'd really think about stopping. Anything that you find brings out the resentment, maybe take a break from those things for now.
A number of people have told me that you'll know when you're done. you will know, in your heart, when you're ready to throw in the towel and move on. I've committed to keeping a close eye on how my children are faring and trying to take a really hard and honest look at how the family environment is, because if I feel that they'd do better with us apart than together, I'm out. We aren't there, but I know that resentment can really build and turn things toxic (one of the reasons I'm recommending being sure YOU are as happy and fulfilled as you possibly can be under the circumstances). In any case, maybe you can come up with what your reasons to walk might be, when your calculus of when the benefits of leaving outweigh the benefits of staying. But trust yourself to know when that time is right, and do whatever you need to do now to be sure you can pull that final trigger when you need to.
xx hang in there, OG. I'm so glad to hear from you. M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
