I’m sorry your here but you came to the right place.
One of the biggest misconceptions on here is that the affair/OP is the problem. The affair is a symptom of the problem. Affairs are usually an act of anger based on years of resentment so blowing up the affair is going to make her resent you even more. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea because things typically need to get worse before they get better.
If you think she’s gonna come running back to you if the affair ends you are mistaken. This is gonna take many months/years to play out especially if she’s in MLC as you suspect.
Every move you make from here on in should come from a place of strength.
Good luck and keep posting.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate all the feedback I can get!
It's not that I think she'll come back when the affair ends, it's that if the affair doesn't end, she won't need to come back. I'm under no illusions that this is a simple cause/effect situation. It sticks out in my mind as the only thing I have direct influence on and the largest thing that would prevent her from progressing through her MLC (if my assumption is correct). I don't know. I guess I have to admit that I have expectations of how I think this will play out. It's soul crushing to turn around after facing that truth and recognizing that ultimately, there's no telling how this will play out. All I can do is my best.
She has childhood trauma that I forgot to mention. The death of her mother at a young age and molestation from a close relative for a long time. I also didn't elaborate on what makes me think she's in MLC.
She's clearly (to me) gone through denial and anger. A lot of that has to do with age, reproductive health, and my difficulties finding work. I say she's in replay now because she's showing all the signs I've been able to read about. She has done a complete 180 on many of her beliefs. Our kids, her relatives, our friends.. everybody is like WTF happened with her? Not about her dropping the bomb.. her relatives didn't even know.. I'm not saying this couldn't be WAW/WW, but the contradictions and her very obvious depression. Severe mood swings, wanting to be alone, reconnecting with people she hasn't seen since high school. Her relationship with our kids even. She's obsessed with specifically getting to a weight she was at in her high school years.. she was really strangely specific about that.
I only mention this because, to me it gives me hope that if it's a MLC, it's something that she can overcome. If she decided a 6 month relationship was worth breaking up her family, risking her career, etc etc from a non-MLC mindset.. That just doesn't make sense to me, but she's willing to live with me for a year and a half at least in the meantime (for our kids). I dunno.. a lot of this is still so fresh in my mind and I'm honestly thinking out loud.
