I second Gerda-- if you're comfortable sharing more details and asking more detailed questions, I think Gerda could really help and others could learn from it as well.
If you google "Hawaii Living Divorce House" the first hit should be an August 2018 post called how to handle your family home while divorcing. There is a detailed illustration there of how to pull some equity out of your home, if you can afford it, to get cash to buy out your ex. Depending on when you bought, the decrease in interest rates and extending to a full 30 years might mean that your monthly payments won't increase all that much. I am by no means a real estate expert but I do live in your state and know something about the market here generally, the long-term and short-term rental markets etc. so can pipe in if it is helpful there too.
Also, I do know it is pretty common to have D decrees here that wouldn't really happen in other states necessarily, like having the Ded parties remain co-owners and share the mortgage, etc. However, I was wondering-- because you are now Ded, whatever agreement you make with your ex to buy him out of the house is now just between the two of you, right? A judge won't have to sign off on it? (Gerda, do you know?) I wonder if given his situation, not needing a residence for half the year, being in MLC and wanting to go to Europe-- maybe a lump sum would be pretty attractive to him right now, and he may not be as hard-nosed about the negotiations than he otherwise might be? You could also talk to a real estate L about your options as well.
Congrats on the citizenship, and hugs to D4.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
