May, I just spent an hour browsing through your sich. Reading it, in light of your views above, has made me wonder.
My gut says that I should let sleeping dogs lie [whoops there I am again offending someone!], not reply to this, and just let you decide whether you want to engage anymore on my threads. However, upon reading your own threads (wow, there is a lot there and after figuring your husband out I just browsed fast to learn the milestones) I have a lot of respect for your situation and the trauma he's put you through. I also -- call me foolish -- want a chance to prove that I am not the b-stard you think I am. Why would I care? Mostly because I like people, all types of people, even the ones who disagree with me. I also enjoy a spirited discussion, although I'm not sure you necessarily do ...
Still, even if we did have this dialogue, I don't think it belongs here on DB. It would be a distraction.
So that's where I stand.
Tom, I don't think you're a b-stard. I also like just about everyone I meet and I recognize that in you too. And, I enjoy a spirited discussion as well-- though in this case, I'm not trying to prove you are sexist and looking for a spirited defense as to why you are not. I'm just saying that In the above situations, there are things you said that were offensive to me (and sounds like to others). You can do with that what you will.
My read is that you don't think of yourself as a sexist person and therefore don't think what you say should be interpreted as sexist... and I guess I'm just pointing out maybe you have a blind spot here. If it matters to you, maybe spend some time thinking about it and how and what you say, here or IRL.
BTW, I totally giggled at your description of what you would normally say when your kids cooked up a vegan meal. You remind me exactly of my FIL!! And I have great respect for you making those changes with your children and pushing outside of your comfort zone. And by the way, watching movies you wouldn't have before (would also suggest reading novels from the POV of someone unlike yourself) is also a great way to put yourself in someone else's shoes and stretch those empathy muscles. Keep it up.
(And also... my thoughts in light of my sitch made you wonder how? If only I'd worn nicer pants and been more respectful of my H he wouldn't have strayed? )
M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
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