I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. But even more than that, I do not want to ever be divorced a second time. Steve's statistics, that 50-60% of 2nd marriages end in a divorce, terrifies me.
This is the crux in my opinion. People do not want to spend the rest of their lives alone, so they make shitty compromises that blow up in their faces. It is only when people get content with being alone and not act in desperation, they attract the right kind of people.
Very wise words, Vapo.
But might there be another element to it? A friend of mine, mid-50s has been single for about 10 years. He actually hasn't been that interested in dating much. But he made a comment that was very poignant. He said for the single women he has dated, he finds two things. The first is that the divorced ones are pretty set in their ways. So once the relationship gets past the initial stage of romance and discovery, there are all sorts of roadblocks about behavior and personal preference. Maybe this is something that you don't have in your 20s, but gets baked in after 30 years. He includes himself in that category, by the way.
The second sich is the people who have never been married. He said that they are even more set in their ways, because they never had to compromise.
So I wonder if the reason second marriages don't work is, yes, a bad choice made too quickly, but also an inability to compromise anymore. Meaning, perhaps the best match are two people who both show an enormous ability to compromise on everything -- everything -- and less about the passion or shared interests. Or maybe we are discussing the same issue from different perspectives.
Thoughts? I would really appreciate hearing from someone who has been married the second time.
