Finding the man I want to be, alone. Pack_19 part3

[Pack_19]

PAC,

That’s really great news about your son!

As for the rest I am afraid you still do not understand that pressure/ pursuit does not work (asking her to lunch) and that you can’t nice her back. Also I get the feeling that with you knowing how many times she looked at her phone and the comment about wanting to touch her that you may be giving off a creepy vibe.

I think you really need to limit interactions with her for your own detachment.

Hi LH! Thanks for coming back!

I was starving and it felt natural, immediately I thought (cr@p that is pressure and I know it!) and this is why I simply dropped it so quickly. I was never creepy or clingy yesterday, I just noticed her on the phone because she was sitting close and kept looking at it, it brought me all these terrible memories about the thoughts I had at home in Munich about the phone being a higher priority to her than me or our M.

By touching I meant something as trying to reach to her arm when saying goodbye or sitting next to her on the waiting room. I did not do any of those things, I simply stood where I was and played with S2. I might have sent the wrong message but I really stood calm and in peace and I had always two sentences in my head "things are going to have to get worse and she needs to see the consequences of the decision she made to betray me and tear apart our family".

I am not trying to nice her back, that is just me, I am not a bad person and maybe I need to build up the b@lls to be harder on this DB and my detachment. I truly value and admire your feedback, I am not saying this to justify myself, I am just very frustrated because this is really hard, nothing I do seems to be in the right direction when it comes to interactions and I am tired of her disrespect. LH, I heard you all, I really think I was sending the right vibe yesterday and 100% focused on S2.

I'm worried what would happen if your W would soften up and want to hang out with you or worse, call you one day crying and say she regrets everything and wants to get back together.

Think about that for a moment, what would you do if that happened? Because if you are already being this nice after all she has done, I have a feeling you would forget DB in an instant and welcome her back with open arms setting yourself up for BD 2. Her anger towards you is so intense right now but things could change down the line. What would your reaction be then?

Hi Ben, thanks for your comments and for trying to open my eyes. Sometimes I forget the pain and humiliation I have been through, I think it is to help my mind move pass it. If this call happened tomorrow, I would listen to her and as you say set myself up for BD2. I am working to be in a place that if this call was to happen I could be able to say, W I am a new man now and have very high standards for the person I want next to me, if you want to fix this M you will find the ways to prove it. (or something along the lines)

I don't think she is aware of the extend of the hurt she has and is still causing me. I read you posts and it makes me think I have to do a lot of work on believing my worth as a man and father. I need to be in a place where I am CONFIDENT something better will come, because I will be a better man.

I see I made mistakes yesterday but the way I behaved is the way I am, I am not trying to nice her back, I have learnt the hard way that cannot work. thank you for pointing this out, I will keep working for the next one and on my detachment.

((hugs)) Pack