I will certainly not suggest you read through the gazillion pages from 10 years ago that I wrote about my sitch, LOL! However I will say your sitch is very similar to what mine was. My XW and I were very cordial and friendly after BD and even continued to have sex. We went to MC and continued to do things together as a family. This was very confusing to me and led to inevitable temp checks (before I found DBing), and each time I was slapped right back to the reality that she was 100% done. She did eventually leave and that was when it really hit home that she was serious about this. I was convinced there was not an OM even though everyone here kept saying there probably was. And surrrprisssse there was. I honestly thought my sitch was different and unique and that I stood a very good chance of a quick recon. And here I am 9 years later, quite divorced I'm not saying D is inevitable for you, I'm just saying your sitch has more in common with the rest of us then it may seem.
I'll go back and read through your sitch. I know I'm different (like everyone else ) and I think I'm finally not under any false illusions.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I don't know, don't we all wish he just had a giant internal circuit breaker we could flip and stop the madness, LOL! But we don't, so we learn how to do it slowly over time. And we backslide. When we do we pick ourselves up and keep pushing forward. You are going to do things you KNOW are wrong. Don't beat yourself up over it, just learn from it and keep pushing forward. One of the guys here kept saying that he thought his wife had a change of heart and he wanted to talk to her about it. IE- temp check. Several of us told him not to, that if she really did have a change of heart then she would be approaching him about it. But he just kept saying he needed to and offering justifications. I finally told him to do it. I told him he was not going to like what he heard, but if he was spending all that time obsessing over it then he needed to hear it from her so he could get back to detaching. Well he set a date to meet with her to talk, came back the next day and said we were all right, he got BD'd all over again. But it actually helped him because he really did start detaching after that.
I can totally see the temp-check thing. Already with me going dark I'm seeing her reach out more and can tell she's trying to make sure I'm still here. I can see thinking that meant more than it really does.
I'm not saying D is inevitable for you, I'm just saying your sitch has more in common with the rest of us then it may seem.
