Tom, Maybe you can add the post pertaining to your daughters again. I missed it. I went back several pages in your last thread, but I couldn't find it.
Harvey, I talk about empathy in my reply to Spiral a couple comments ago. But let me add something here specifically about my daughters.
I always kind of believed in a yin and yang with my kids. They push, I push back, and we all laugh. They know the rhythm with me. That goes for politics or culture or even favorite foods. For example, they will be throwing something together for dinner -- maybe boba and something vegan. I will grumble, mostly in jest, "waiter, I'll have a hot dog and a coke!" Then look over at them and say, "normal food!" They will groan and we laugh together. In addition to the teasing element of the above, there is also something unyielding about it. Maybe to not concede that all new paths are better. Makes me sound old!
I don't do this anymore. I affirm just about everything they do or appreciate, even if I don't prefer it. I find it to be very sacrificial, and not the way I always was. But ... as I told them ... now that Mom is gone, all the old rules are out the window. We have to recreate how to be a family of four, not five. They have noticed. I will watch movies with them that previously (and even now) find immensely boring or inconsistent with my values. I let them make nearly all decisions about social matters. I am not a wallflower but I am also not head of household anymore. The only thing I insist on now is equal contribution to keeping the house together.
I like the fact that this is making me more vulnerable. I don't think it is necessarily good long term, however, as I seek out a new relationship. I agree with the others here (perhaps you included) who say that while being vulnerable is important, women don't respect it in a mate. Yes, it sounds contrary and I'm not sure how to reconcile the two. Maybe I need to be vulnerable but not be a wimp. I suppose I have to figure that one out. Any perspective is appreciated.
