You need to focus on you, being the best man you can be, and taking your attention 100% off of her. Do not be her friend, do not be her safety net, do not engage with her at all beyond the minimum you can manage to co-parent. That's it. Try to get her out of the house as soon as possible, co-habitation will make things worse.
Does that sound like horrible advice? Is it scary? Are you convinced that certainly it doesn't apply to you?
Oh, it applies to me and yes it is scary. And there's always gonna be "yeah buts" that pop up along the way.
Originally Posted by LH19
You don't have an option that doesn't suck. You have to pick the least sucky option of all the sucky options you have and learn to accept that. The option that [censored] the least is protecting yourself by giving yourself emotional space.
I subscribe to a weekly e-newsletter from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, and this was in today's edition: "Many people delay taking action because they hope to avoid suffering. They keep searching for a path that won’t involve tradeoffs.
But some form of suffering is always inevitable. The process of taking action is the process of choosing your pain."
Good timing.
We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
Quote
But I would have the kids which would make it difficult to have alone time. We've got a 9-month lease on the studio and it can't fit 4 people if she was to have the kids. We're also trying our best to keep a semblance of normalcy for the kids. For the most part they've been stuck in the house for 9 months now because of Covid which has rocked their world. It might be better to just rip the band-aid off, but we're not there yet with the kids.
That sounds complicated, but you need to be at home. You've done nothing wrong. Until a court orders a custody deal, you should be there with your kids. A semblance of normalcy is great if things are normal, otherwise you are being deceptive and the kids will catch on to you. Just be straightforward: "Mom and Dad are having problems. We love you no matter what."
Definitely stop snooping and I wouldn't even be friends with her bc you don't want her crap popping up when you get online.
Last edited by ovrrnbw; 12/10/2009:54 PM.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
