I didn't really read anything that stuck out as being different about your sitch, unless you mean the nesting arrangement? That's not that unusual.
What struck me as different is most other threads seemed to have a lot more animosity, a lack of any desire of the WAW to be close or intimate (she has told me she'd like for me to "court" her again), and that for the most part things are "good" you know, except for the whole separation thing.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Beta is boring! Alpha is exciting. You've got to strike a balance between the two to keep the interest levels up. Like so many of us you went full beta thinking it was helpful to her. And it was, but she likely was no longer attracted to you as a man. You became a helpful roommate.
Damn, that hit home.
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Remake yourself into "the spouse only a fool would leave".
I actually told her something like that back when we were in a counseling session. And since then I have also switched my focus because I think originally it was motivated by me wanting to get her back and now it's about being the best me I can be, regardless of her or what she thinks.
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All the snooping will only make you miserable, so start by trying to shut all that down. Don't "unfriend" her on FB, but "mute" her profile so you don't see her posts when you log in. Quit checking her profile. Don't snoop in her phone or anything like that, take it from me, you're more likely to be confused by what you see then to learn anything useful. It'll just leave you spinning even worse.
This is such a battle and you are so right about needing to shut it down. I have a post-it note on my monitor that just says "Don't" on it. I tell myself that nothing good will come of it, best case I don't find anything which leads to more uncertainty, worst case I find something I don't want to see and I get gutted again. Either way, there's nothing I can do about it. So why is it so hard to stop doing it!?!? Stupid emotions trumping logic.
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Read, read and read some more! It sounds like you've read DB/ DR and possibly The 5 Love Languages as well. Also check out The Happiness Trap (it will help you understand your feelings are ALL legitimate, own them!), the Married Man Sex Life Primer (great book on alpha vs. beta behavior) and No More Mister Nice Guy.
Thank you for the suggestions - I've read a few of them but the others are new.
