I wouldn't worry too much about that. When do you think the next time you will interact with her will be? Do you still want to save the marriage or do you think you are ready to move on?
As far as GAL, what are your plans this weekend? It must be hard with Covid restrictions. I was out watching live music and interacting with anyone and everyone. Did you nail down the Xmas schedule?
R2C, thanks for inquiring.
I do not expect to interact with her in the near future, except indirectly. She only wants to communicate via email and through her divorce attorney. There is a deposition that was recently delayed until mid-January, I expect she will be on the zoom connection next month although not showing her face and saying nothing.
Saving the marriage ... well, I was desperate to save it until about January this past year. But she made it clear she did not want to consider such. Many, many people (before I found DB in August) told me to move on, move on, and stop hoping beyond hope about the marriage. So I suppose my mechanical answer to you is no. Yet, if she texted me tomorrow, and said she wanted to talk finally, and told me she was reconsidering the divorce, I would be shocked and not know how to react.
It would not be automatic, "yes of course let's get back together." I've been working on myself, and am happy with my movement, but I have no idea if she's been doing the same. I have no idea if WAWs spend time during that first year working on themselves .. or maybe just cheering that they are single again! I found one non-DB site making recommendations to women who left husbands, and it most definitely didn't suggest any 180s ... it mentioned GAL to be sure but mostly about enjoying a woman's newfound freedom!
I've read Michelle's DB book and know that sometimes the detach part of DB is the last-ditch effort to turn things around. Well, I most definitely detached back then and haven't heard a peep from her except the most basic stuff (clothing and household items).
The marriage could not be saved, at this stage, without us both softening our hearts and being open about our 180s. Meaning, I would not get back together under any circumstances. There really were three things she could have done; first would be "Tom I'm thinking divorce, we need to do some serious work or I'm through!" That would have been a couple years ago, and I would have moved heaven and earth to keep her. Second, she could have asked for a trial separation; that would have been harder to swallow but I would have waited as long as she needed, and done whatever was necessary, to ensure we reconciled after 6 months or a year. Third, is the action she took. I've told others that the option 3 is like Humpty Dumpty, can you really put him back together again once he's broken? I don't know ... of course the answer is never say never but the pain I've been through -- that we've both been through -- is so searing.
There's another thing Michelle said that doesn't get talked about much here on the forum; I've mentioned it before without a lot of replies. She said that in situations like mine, the man is brought down so low, that he is finally driven to change things he never would have considered doing before. Just like my 180s mentioned a couple posts ago. She said she had seen it in her practice. Sometimes it's not too late, and the marriage makes it. Other times the WAW just won't give the husband a chance, period, and the marriage dissolves, but the poor fellow makes a fantastic second husband to someone else. That's my hope now. I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. But even more than that, I do not want to ever be divorced a second time. Steve's statistics, that 50-60% of 2nd marriages end in a divorce, terrifies me.
Plans for the weekend are usually pretty modest. My kids are home for the holidays but they are busy on their own a lot. I generally walk the dogs, do my exercise, handle house chores, and call or FT some friends. I read a lot too. There is a brewery nearby that I stroll over to to just kill time and maybe meet some folks. My state is undergoing some renewed covid restrictions so even my brewery might be closed to outdoor gatherings for now. About once a month I have a friend over for a barbecue, but not this weekend. Covid makes the entire GAL pretty hard except for things you do on your own. There are a couple lively spots in down for dancing and social gathering, and social connection always is part of GAL at least for me, yet those are not available now.
