WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont3.)

[SteveLW]

Steve85 - She had lots of questions in her emails. They were about different topics. I at least need to go through them, but I may make the decision not to reply.

You are being vague. Nature of the questions? Be very careful with D related answers in email. They can come back to bite you.

Working on GAL - After a tough day yesterday I went to the gym and that made me feel a lot better. I've got a Happy Hour tonight, Friend invited me to dinner at his house tomorrow, on Saturday working out with a friend and then I invited over a handful of friends to hang out. Taking Sunday off so far to do whatever I want. I get the kids back on Monday so that gets me through this first five day stretch.

You are doing better with GAL than expected you to do Scott. You've been pretty bad at GAL in my estimation and this has caused you to spin. GAL keeps you busy, keeps your mind off of things and let's you let go and detach.

A friend of mine wanted me to meet a woman going through a similar situation to mine so I called her last night and asked her to dinner. She wasn't able to make it be we chatted for 30 minutes. It did give me some confidence that I can talk to women (which may sound silly, but its been a long time). Hold the advice on moving too fast, I'll watch it.

I know you said hold on the advice, but why post this if you don't want feedback? First, be very careful with advice from friends and family. They are too close to the situation to give you sound, objective advice. And they have one goal: To try to end your pain as quickly as possible as it pains them to see you in pain. So they will give you short-sighted advice towards that end. Friends especially will trend towards the "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone" type of advice. That is the worst saying I've ever heard. First, it is flat out wrong, it doesn't help you get over someone. It is like self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, it temporarily makes you forget about the someone. But the next morning they are right back on your mind.

Plus, it complicates your situation. Now instead of issues with one woman, you will have issues with two women. (Especially since you haven't done the work on yourself to set you up for future R success.)

So what was your goal with this dinner? Was it a date? If not, why not ask the friend who suggested you call her to dinner instead?

Scott, I know you know this but you are so not ready to add another person to the mix. So not ready. You still go up and down emotionally based on whether your STBXW is nice or mean to you.

It was interesting to listen and to talk about my situation. I need to begin referring to my wife by her name as opposed to calling her my wife. That's my next step.

Interesting. So one conversation with another woman......and suddenly you need to refer to your STBXW as her name instead of "my W". I agree that you need to stop calling her "my W", but not because you had another woman to talk to. But because whether you talked to this other woman OR NOT, you need to face the fact that your MR is over and that D is on the horizon. So refer to her as you STBXW. Or your exWife.

I tried to connect with my son last night but wasn't able to - that seemed odd. I'll try to catch them tonight.

Put the offer out there, let him decide whether or not he wants to talk. No need to read a lot into this.