Sex Tips for HDWs with semi-willing LDHs

[eyesopened]

I have noticed in several of your posts that you appear to have a strict set of rules for hubby to play by.

Have you informed him of your rules?

No, there's no STRICT set of rules to play by except that I have boundaries and won't allow passive aggressive behavior.

As far as sex itself, I'm very comfortable with it and love and trust him enough to engage in a wide range of practices as long as it's not unsafe or unhealthy and doesn't make me feel abased. If you're familiar with Lou Paget's sex guides, I'm comfortable with everything in those; and neither my husband nor I are interested in more extreme stuff that includes other people, animals, BDSM (with the exception of light bondage that's consensual and can be undone by either one of us), etc. He has my promise that I won't turn him down, which means that he, the HD spouse, now controls the frequency of sex in our marriage. That seems like a very short set of rules, and it doesn't seem to be a problem for him.

BTW, even though I told him that I wouldn't initiate unless he apologized for his remark about me DEMANDING (which was a passive aggressive comment made to stop an argument on an unrelated subject and to hurt me) and promised not to do that again, I still fulfilled his earlier request about wearing nothing but his favorite perfume to bed the night he returned (even though he hadn't called me once while he was gone). That was my way of letting him know that I was still standing by my promises, that I wasn't rejecting him in any way, and that it was safe for him to initiate. My insistence the next morning (I was asleep when he returned that night) that he acknowledge that HE wanted to ML when he initiated, rather than put the WANTING back on me by asking if I wanted to ML (he knows, because I've told him many times, that I love him and enjoy ML with him) or if it would make ME feel good (he knows that it does), was simply reinforcing what I'd already told him upfront in my note --that I wasn't willing to initiate physical intimacy such as ML and massages if he was going to use those open-ended offers against me by accusing me of making DEMANDS.