Quote: I've wondered if my H has turned to withholding sex as a "safe" way to express his anger. He has a bad temper but I believe it's a matter of integrity with him to not express it violently (besides he knows that like you, I would be "out of there" in a heartbeat). But, perhaps I've been too quick to deny him other means of expression. I grew up with a mother who was full of rage and I have problems with any sort of fighting. I don't like to argue in front of the kids, or in public or at all really. Maybe if we had more yelling matches it might actually be better for our relationship. Does anyone have any thoughts on this matter?
Yeah. Read the book Anger Kills if you really want the skinny on channeling anger in healthy ways.
People who learn to vent anger by yelling and screaming, punching pillows, etc. have MORE problems with anger and are angry more of the time. I know, Freud and Adler would not have thought so, but Freud and Adler didn't do scientific studies, and those studies have now been done.
Of course, letting yourself be walked all over is also bad. And if your husband is feeling that way, it would very likely leak into your sex life.
I think both partners in a marriage need a safe way to express anger, but yelling at each other tends not to be it. At least, it was never good in my life, and studies seem pretty clear that it's generally not good.
