You are nothing but a sex partner to the pilot. You two are not dating. You do an activity before you get to the point he’s meeting you, which is sex.
He doesn’t initiate contact. He doesn’t keep a conversation going. He never clarified if you were his only partner. If you were seriously ok with it, you wouldn’t be starting to obsess over if that’s all you are.
You should be focusing on your son who’s obviously hurting and yourself. Take the time you are using to drink and have meaningless sex to focus on you and your son.
Stop using COVID as an excuse. Everyone in the world (literally) is dealing with it. Yeah is stinks, but others are still getting the therapy they need, seeing the doctors they require, and going to dinner, hiking and getting ready for the holidays. Others who have it worse because of COVID are either very sick or have lost their jobs and are potentially facing their unemployment benefits running out.
You owe it to yourself and your son to work on yourself more than taking a moment of reflection, drinking to excess, and having meaningless while pondering if it all means more.
Sorry if this comes off harsh.
Joe - I don't mind the harshness because I can tell you are doing it from a place of compassion and not malice.
I do need to hear these things.
I have been focusing too much on what "this" is with the pilot... I know me... this is me processing the situation. I'm trying to get it out of my head and forcing myself to see it for what it is... NOT MY HUSBAND. I haven't been dating in over a decade and I look at how I met this guy and how things have escalated to what it currently is and all I have for comparison is how it was when I was dating my H. My H made sure I knew that he was interested... It took my H nearly 2mo before I agreed to have a date with him... and he made sure I knew how lucky that made him feel.
Part of dealing with the whole MBR closet was going through a keepsake box which had mementos that belonged to both me and my STBXH. Cards from the kids, cards from each other... the notes tucked in when flowers were delivered... and the one that was from him the date after our very first date.... to let me know how special that night was for him. I also came across some cards older than my STBXH relationship from very special guys who also took the time to show just how special a first date out with me really was... AND, then the realization that THIS guy - the pilot has never done that after a half dozen dates. And, I joke with my male bff - is this just what dating in your 50's is like??? Has life changed that much in the decade I was devoted to my M?
I seriously stated to my male bff that this is me... I'm just asking the same question over and over again expecting the answer to be different. Just know I recognize this behavior that I'm doing.
While I don't write it here I'm spending tons of quality time with my son. Even tonight our conversation went to a place and my kid is like "where is this coming from?" as we sat and laughed. He isn't lacking in any attention from me but he is also 19 and living his own life currently as he should.
I'm also spending loads of time with GAL. At least once a week and sometimes twice I'm up way before the sun and diving to the state park in the next town over... hiking through the woods in the dark for 30min so I time it that I hit the river at sunrise. Its a 3 1/2mil total trek with the dog. The first 45min I've got the ENTIRE place to myself. While maybe not the smartest thing to trek in the woods in the dark, I've been coming to this park for over 3 decades. I've always felt safe here and it is the only place I would ever do this... plus my dog is over 100lb.
I apologize if I'm using Covid as an excuse. We are all in this together. I think, as with many of us on the front lines, this is coming from a place of complete burn out. I was at work yesterday 3hr well past the end of my shift.
I think I also came here today to vent because I'm seeing behavior in interactions with the pilot that are a definite turn off... all day... it was about HIM. Sure he answered every single text I sent him very quickly... he was definitely having a rough day... but he was having a rough week last week... he clearly had a stressful issue the last time we were together... and yet again today another event that he was bitching about. I mean I get it. He was dealing with a frustrating situation. Did he inquire anything about me??? NOPE. Did he know that I didn't get home until after 10:30pm last night. NOPE.
I listened to his issue. I validated. That of course allowed him to open up more. I continued to validate. After hearing all the drama he did conclude at the end of the day a really positive thing that happened. I congratulated him and suggested he needed to find a way to celebrate that. He replied what he did (basically nothing) and I just suggested that wasn't very imaginative and surely he could come up with something better. He replied again with possible X activity (something at an old college stomping ground and for background we attended the same college we just didn't know each other then). I said sure if that would make him happy but then I said "or you could take me out to see Christmas lights".
^^^That's a clearly romantic activity and a chance for him to learn more about me (he constantly complains that I don't talk. I get it that I'm quiet but frankly he talks enough for the both of us.) He immediately turned it into a sex situation. That kind of bummed me out. I get it. I completely get it. I set myself up for this. AND, to make matters worse rather that stating "its unfortunate that we can't have a nice sweet night out without this constant undertone" I simply replied "well you get X after all - implying that it was his celebration and if that's what he wanted thats what he should get" So I know full well I'm bringing this whole situation on myself. Its like a long nasty train wreck.
I continue to write it out here knowing full well I'm being 100% judged. Knowing the commentary will draw... that it won't be kind.
I don't think this guy handles stress very well. I don't think he communicates very well. I see this is not a situation I should be in. I get it that I'm stuck. That if I stick it out long enough this situation will be start to be different... but this guy is showing me who he is and for whatever reason I just refuse to see it.
