Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - Part 3

[Ready2Change]

1) Communication
2) Empathy, especially when it is not automatic -- e.g., don't be dismissive even of the small things
3) Concern for what she is concerned about
4) Attending to her love languages
5) Being vulnerable, talking about feelings
6) Respect -- by the end of the marriage, we were mutually disrespectful too often, although she would probably only claim I was
7) Priorities -- caring more for people rather than ideas, politics, current events

Hi Tom,

These are all good items to work on. #1 gets us all in trouble. Words are abstract and are misinterpreted. When conversations start to go south, I focus on my communication. I have to switch to listen mode. I do this frequently with my lady. I focus on the non-verbal parts. Body language, facial expressions, tones etc. This also ties into #2.
I am 10 years post BD, but I still tear up reading threads here. Triggers all kinds of things for me. Ozman especially.


Since you have limited contact with your W, you may want to conciser practicing with others. That is what worked for me. My X never had a change of heart, but the new skills helped in all my romantic encounters.

I would be careful with the first part of #5. I don't believe a woman needs/wants this from her man. Just my opinion based off my studies and observations.

I never know if people are using the word feelings instead of emotions. Maybe elaborate more so I understand better.

I believe I suck at #5. I show my lady through my actions vs my words.

#6,7 Again with the limited contact with W, practicing with others burns the new behavior into your core behavior. Ultimately that is what is important.