Quote: With my husband, that happened when I left him early in our marriage when he became physically violent during an argument (pushing and grabbing). I warned him the first time that I would leave if he ever did that again
I've been feeling lately that my H withholding sex had led to me behaving like a domestic abuse victim. You hear about women becoming like Stepford wives in order to avoid triggering their Hs violence. I was becoming far too Stepford-wifey in an attempt to jolly my husband into giving me some sexual attention. The difference in the two situations being it's pretty clear when someone is being violent and it's hard to know if someone is withholding sex in a conscious or unconscious attempt to control you or genuinely having problems leading to low desire.
I've wondered if my H has turned to withholding sex as a "safe" way to express his anger. He has a bad temper but I believe it's a matter of integrity with him to not express it violently (besides he knows that like you, I would be "out of there" in a heartbeat). But, perhaps I've been too quick to deny him other means of expression. I grew up with a mother who was full of rage and I have problems with any sort of fighting. I don't like to argue in front of the kids, or in public or at all really. Maybe if we had more yelling matches it might actually be better for our relationship. Does anyone have any thoughts on this matter?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
