Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - Part 3

[may22]

Hi Tom,

I think working on your #2 goal-- empathy-- might really help you in a lot of ways, and I think stretching your empathy muscles will also have a positive impact on pretty much every other one of your 180s (potentially excepting #5).

Not too long ago, I think, there was a piece in the NYT about how to be more empathetic-- if you missed it, I would google it and see what you think and if any of the suggestions in there are things you would consider trying.

As an empathy exercise, if you're open to it, I might consider reading the threads/situations of those who have posted here that you disagree with. Sit with their stories. Listen to their perspectives. Try on their shoes for a bit, and then go back to what they posted to you and see if it still stings as much, or if you are able to take a different angle, maybe one that allows you to take things less personally. Sometimes practicing empathy on strangers can be easier than those to whom you are closer, because you're less emotionally attached.

Another practice you might find helpful is the loving kindness meditation (google it, and/or available in many meditation apps), which can help strengthen your compassion muscles-- both self-compassion and compassion/connection for others.

And gently... even just in your above response to Ginger, there are a number of places where you could have demonstrated better communication, empathy, vulnerability, respect, and concern. I understand that you're feeling attacked and defensive. But calling people here sanctimonious, blind, ignorant and criticizing them for not reading every word of all of your posts before sharing their thoughts... if you're trying to get people to drop off your thread, you're on the right path. I doubt you'll have many folks left. And I will freely share with you that I am among those offended by some of the things you've said.

I thought what CW suggested a few pages ago was right on-- trying to look yourself for things people might have considered to be sexist or offensive in some way, and taking that as an opportunity to learn and grow, not simply getting defensive and trying to shut everyone down.

I mean, if you don't care that people are offended by some of the things you say, then okay. But if you do care-- and want to actually BE a more empathetic, caring, respectful person with strong communication skills-- then I would -- again, gently-- suggest that you take a step back, try to understand where people are coming from, and where you might make changes such that folks here can see your empathy, respect, and concern for others shining through in your words. Maybe it is just your communication style and skills you need to work on, I don't know. But do you agree that there is something to consider in all of this? Or is everyone here just ignorant, condescending and unhelpful?

Best wishes, May