Sex Tips for HDWs with semi-willing LDHs

[eyesopened]

Megamojo (or JustJenny),
I started the above post acknowledging that the mere mention of Mrs. Roper could hit a raw nerve, but got sidetracked with other stuff and finally finished it and posted to see that you'd already addressed it.

Ironically, I truly understand your frustration with your husband because I'm in a similar situation with my husband on 2 different issues (spending time together and having a house that's finished and meets our current needs) where I often feel as though I'm begging. I've tried working with him on the remodeling, but that was unpleasant since he's a perfectionist (he tears out work contractors do and redoes it himself) and I thought it best not to have a hammer in my hand with thoughts running through my mind of bashing him with it.

As for being differentiated, I really don't know that I am or that I am in a healthy way. I think a lot of mine came about because I learned early on that even though my parents loved me and weren't abusive, I couldn't always depend on them (fortunately, they encouraged us to be independent and self-sufficient). So, I learned to take care of myself, to make goals and then to come up with ways to meet them (for example, I put myself through college through scholarships, work, and loans). My mother and I had a very rocky relationship when I was in high school and college (we have a great relationship now and I consider her to be one of my best friends) because I felt controlled and smothered whereas she, who'd never had a real childhood, was trying to protect me and keep me from making mistakes. Anyway, it wasn't until after I'd separated emotionally from my parents and stood on my own two feet that I could reestablish a stronger and more loving adult relationship with them.

With my husband, that happened when I left him early in our marriage when he became physically violent during an argument (pushing and grabbing). I warned him the first time that I would leave if he ever did that again. I took our son and left him the second time with every intention of divorcing him, and he voluntarily went into anger management therapy. We were separated for 6 months. It happened a couple of other times, and I left him and filed for divorce. He went back into counseling, I went into counseling, and we eventually reconciled (we had 3 children, and he's a good father). There's been no physical violence since then except to a couple of chairs and the wall (I don't like it, but I can live with it as long as it's very rare, he replaces or fixes what he destroys, and it's only directed at inanimate objects). So, this is another relationship where distancing (not only for me, but for my kids, too) was necessary.

Now that my boys are older (college and high school), I've noticed the same thing. If I cling to them or am intrusive, they want to get away. If I let go of them and stop intruding in their lives, they're more likely to spend time at home and to talk about what's going on in their lives.

Anyway, I still feel like I'm taking baby steps and just trying to get through one day at a time, but that's probably just life.

You come across in your posts as being confident and independent and sexy, and I know a lot of men who'd love to have a sexually confident and adventurous wife like you.