KC, 2 things (I know I said I'd stay away from your sitch, but I can't help but try one more time):.
I'll mirror Steve and go on record to say that your healing/working on yourself officially stopped the second you started dating the pilot. You are no longer healing, you simply changed your obsession from your H to the pilot. You've stunted your growth.
You have another BD in your future, Kit. And you did it to yourself.
Best wishes.
Well I openly admitted in my post that - yes, I recognize that I have exchanged one problem for another.
I'm working on it. I'm working on my anxious attachment - I have better days than others. I've long know that my love language is "words of affirmation". I sit and journal if its the words of affirmation I am craving or just simply needing to feel validated.
I've got a higher level of peace than I have had in some time. Mostly because I am not so focused on the STBXH --- and using STBXH instead of H is a HUGE step for me in moving forward. I dealt with how I felt about half of the MBR closet being emptied... do I fill it??? I recognized that 1) I'm not leaving it empty hoping that STBXH returns. I accepted he is NEVER coming back to this house, 2) I don't want to be the sort of woman who fills up an entire MBR closet (mine is huge). I always felt it was silly when a woman claimed the entire walk in closet and the husband got relegated to the small closet in a spare room, and 3) I leave that half of the closet empty in hope... NOT hope that STBXH returns... but FUTURE hope for someone in my future who wants to share a life journey with me.
I'm not against FWB or just a hook up situation --- I think I just need to know what is the definition of this IS. I've long ago stopped assuming period. Frankly its been fun (I don't want to be a nun...). Its just having been off the dating circuit for a very long time. But, given where I am at I'm very much at risk for creating an over attachement --- being aware of this is super important. I need to be mindful. I think CW made a very good point that I'm going to have to be the one to initiate this conversation. Its just never in my life have I had to be one... I'm used to guys that pursue and state what their intentions are.
I agree... maybe I am setting myself up for future BD... I guess right now I've got the mentality of --- I'm working on getting over my STBXH... 10+yr, lots of memories, dramas, damage and disappointment.... I distract myself with a fling and end up getting my heart broke... it was 3months with very little intimacy/connection and won't be as hard to get over as the 10yr committed M. Right or wrong... and I'm sure I'm going to hear how wrong this is... that is my current thought process.
I accept 100% that I'm still a work in progress and that my journey getting through this may not be the absolute correct path... but I'll own it.
