WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont3.)

[SteveLW]

I like what AS wrote but I am not a fan of the word “hope” in these situations. The definition of hope is “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen”. This IMO will get you stuck.

Your view on this needs to be “go do your thing W, do what you need to find your happiness. I’m going to go live an amazing life. If you want to be a part of it in the future, we’ll have to talk about that, but for now I wish you well.

I came to this conclusion at the very start of my situation.

My first two posts included these comments:

I understand the concept of getting a life and detaching. It makes for an easier transition, but I wonder if it's good at all to hang on to hope. It seems WAW are the hardest to turn around, and as I read the threads, I don't see a lot of success stories...

I get that the changes are for me. It almost seems like having no hope makes the changes completely about me. The having hope part keeps the changes about her (partially, at least).

I understand the counter-argument, but for me having no hope helped keep me from getting stuck. Of course, I didn't save my marriage, but I think little could be done about that. I moved on quickly and in a healthy way IMHO.

The danger here though harvey, and I think this is why you have to be careful is that moving on for some LBSs is to jump into a new R right away. That is not the point of having no hope and moving on quickly. The vast majority of LBSs are not in the right emotional place for that, and deep deep down they still have a little hope that the WAS will wake up and come back. Until there is none of that, jumping to a new R without doing the work on yourself is a mistake.