Hey Joe, that's an awesome post and really resonates with me as I approach 10 years post BD. My XW isn't a narcissist but I can 100% back up every bullet point you made. The goal to surviving and eventually thriving isn't to save our M, it's to uncouple ourselves from our spouse and find our own footing. People talk about codependency like it's a bad word but really that's what marriage is SUPPOSED to be- you depend on someone else and they depend on you. You're a team. To lose half that team is a very difficult thing indeed, you feel like your life has been ripped in half because it HAS. So you've got to find a way to make yourself whole again, and as nice as it is to have some support through that, we really have to do all the heavy lifting ourselves.
I think most of us come out the other side never wanting to be -that- codependent again. Good or bad, we tend to keep new romantic interests at arm's length. That's not to say we don't open up to them and such, but we do that while maintaining our independence. We can do just fine on our own, or with someone else. As you said, we learn we don't NEED anyone else. We might want them, but wanting and needing are very different things. I want a Lamborghini but I will never have one and I am happy anyway
Anyway, that was a great post full of wisdom. Glad to hear you are doing well!
