Friday I had the kids at home because of quarantine. It was great. I cleared my schedule so I could try to hang out with them when they had downtime. That night we watched Arthur Christmas, which I would recommend for kids - my 12 and nine year old both liked it. I put my daughter to bed and talked to my son about his slipping grades and attitude, especially with his mom. I really tried to work on what I'm learning in The Lost Art of Listening.
He talked about how much he just hates wearing a mask at school and how it stinks not being able to move around during the day. He's just sick of it. Then he mentioned how he told his mom how bad Zoom was at school and she said you shouldn't have gone on vacation with your dad, you knew better. Ouch. That really pissed him off. I'll come back to that.
Saturday was just great. We made chocolate covered peanuts, my son and I worked out together, we put up our Christmas tree, the kids played while I made dinner. I had told my daughter last week that we needed to redo a picture wall - it was all wedding pictures that had been taken down. I went into her room and started to cry when I saw a bunch of pictures out with all the frames - she was working on it by herself. We finished it together - she is incredibl I kept them up a little late because I lost track of time as I put the tree up - and when I went to bed I was exhausted.
Sunday we got up and sat around and relaxed for a couple of hours after having donuts. That was pretty great, we can't normally do that. Then we decorated outside, lit a fire, and I cleaned up the yard while the kids got out sleeping bags and laid on the trampoline. That's when it got interesting.
My daughter had spoken to my wife and my wife was going to drop off homework for her. When my wife got here her and I didn't say much. The tension and mood changed significantly and I did not feel like the happy go lucky guy I had been all day. My daughter got off the tramp and gave her a hug. I had been putting stuff in our garage for her to take so she started packing up her car. My son didn't move, he didn't acknowledge her. She finally get all her stuff packed up and went to say goodbye to him but before that she started asking him about all his school work. He never got up, never looked at her, and didn't give her a hug goodbye. I couldn't believe it. As soon as she left he grabbed his stuff and went inside (it was a bit cold out).
My daughter then went up to her room to do her homework. She has really been remarkably strong through all of this. I was going to work out in my garage but as I was picking up around the house I went up to her room to put some things away.
She started to get a bit hysterical out of the blue. She started crying about how she couldn't get all the homework done, how she didn't know where to start, and how it was just too much. I really tried not to solve her problem - I just tried to empathize and listen. Then she started crying harder and said she missed her mom. I said "I know, would you like to call her?" Then she said "but when I'm with her I miss you, I don't understand."
And then she just cried and I held her. She said she knew I wanted to work out and so she didn't want to bother me with her homework. I told her she is never bothering me and I stayed up in her room and helped her with her homework for about an hour. It was heartbreaking, but wonderful - just connecting with her and showing her I could be there for her, but so sad. She is hiding all of her feelings.
Sunday night we had a wonderful dinner, the kids really loved it - so that was great. We made some chocolate deserts that didn't turn out - but that's ok. We moved to the family room and I fell asleep while the kids played video games. I woke up and put them to bed.
Today is more virtual school and again I cleared my schedule, but I'm starting to get behind. Tomorrow they go back and my son has virtual individual counseling on Wednesday for the first time, we'll see how that goes.
Wednesday they are gone until the following Monday. That will be a long stretch but so far we've made the most of it of the time we've had. I've been fortunate as I've had the kids 14 of the last 18 days. I think I'll be okay for the stretch of 5 days - I know it will be emotional but I'm a little worn down as I've really put all my energy into them and doing everything is a lot.
Sorry for the long post, I've had a lot on my mind. I'm doing pretty good, though I hate all of this. I continue to limit contact with my wife - I'd love to say to her "Let's stop this madness." but that wouldn't do any good. I have to move on and I'm working on it.
