Sex Tips for HDWs with semi-willing LDHs

[MJontheMend]

act fake LD and I absolutely refuse to do it

I didn't think you were suggesting this. I assumed it was an "integrity" issue for you just like it is for me. I used to barely be able to keep myself from going ballistic when my H would even slightly suggest that maybe I was "oversexed". Now that I feel more "differentiated", I just think "Yeah, lucky me!".

I think he truly believes that every time we DO make love that the clock is reset and everything is fine again, until he "screws up again"

I think this is true in my situation too. The way I'm trying to be more "honest" about this is by initiating whenever I truly want to. This way he can't ignore the situation and pretend everything's okay in between encounters.

Do you think the porn has affected his ability to feel normal sexual desire?

I used to think maybe this was the case, but if it were true this country would be chock full of LD men. All the guys on this board are not happy with just porn as an option. I think maybe it's more a case of the porn informing his taste rather than his drive. It doesn't really overwhelm me, it just makes it tough to be seductive with kids around. Also, I worry for the future. There aren't a lot of wrinkly porn stars.

he could never have sex with me if he was mad at me

This is true for my H too. I've wondered if withholding sex is his passive-aggressive way of expressing some anger he feels towards me. I've tried being over-the-top nice and agreeable in order to get around this. But I am absolutely done playing that game. In my opinion, withholding sex because you are angry at your spouse or life in general, is second only to hitting your spouse for similar reasons. If this is revealed to be the true situation as we go through our "crucible" dealing with this, I will find it very hard to forgive him for being so sadistic and will find it hard to trust him at all.