WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (2)

[BL42]

Vapo,

Thanks for reaching out. I've said this before in my thread, but it's amazing how reading others' sitches and especially having others post in your thread is so helpful. It's a nice feeling to see a new reply from another poster and realize someone you don't even know in person cares enough to weigh in with advice and support.

BL, just read through your sitch, and the similarities with my situation are astounding. The ages correspond, the kids ages correspond, the only difference is that I have an older daughter and a younger son.

I did not recap my sitch in my own thread, but tried to offer my advice and insight on other people's threads. These boards have helped me so much in understanding WTH was going on and really saved my sanitiy when the situation was bleak.

This confused me a bit. Do you have a thread for your sitch? If so, I'm going to find the time this weekend to read it.

It is 6 years post BD for me, kids are doing well and me and my Ex coparent well. I did not manage to rescue my marriage, but I rescued myself. Both me and my ex are in relationships and Ex's boyfriend is a decent guy. Obviously he is not the guy for whom my Ex left me, so really I can't blame the guy for anything.

It's crazy for me to imagine being 6 years post-BD right now, but then it's been nearly 10 months already and that's difficult to believe. Looking back it's gone by so quickly yet in the first few months it felt like it would never end.

Glad to hear you're co-parenting well. W & I are doing alright so far (imo) though we're going to have to come to agreement on the holiday schedule which is coming up soon. I'm fortunate to be able to see my kids (especially son) way more often than I would otherwise (due to school/work schedules).

If I'm being honest part of me still hopes it won't work with my W & OM2 either so she has to start clean after the D. It would irk me a bit right now if she stayed with someone she had an affair with during our marriage, but I recognize I need to work on detachment and not worry about that.

The relationship with the Ex is all about the children and that suits me just fine. From the rebelious self (female dog) from the first months/years post BD she's calmed down and resembles my W again. That being said, I would not want any romantic dealings with the Ex ever again. Post BD I did some work on myself and I discovered I was worth more and was underappreciatedin my marriage. I suffered from Nice guy syndrome and badly. I had some other issues and it is a fact that I also contributed to the demise of my marriage.

Is it weird for you that she seemingly reverted back to normal and resembles your wife but is now with another guy instead of you? LIke...if she had reverted quicker the marriage could've worked out and family stayed together? I don't know what my (or my W's future) will bring, but I could imagine that would be strange for me. I believe I was under appreciated quite a bit in my marriage...but I guess my W felt that way too. I already can't imagine reconciling due to everything W has done. During AP/OM1 I was ready to forgive but she went right on to OM2 without blinking and moved out and filed for D. I think the anger and resentment would rise up and it would be hard to respect myself / have my friends and family respect me. Mostly any reconciliation at this point (not that she has any interest in that) would be for the kids but as I'm seeing the amount of time I have with them and how they're adjusting (S5 still has his moments), the "for the kids" aspect lessens.

But water under the bridge. New life, new challenges ahead.

Take care buddy, you are not alone, and you have some of the finest, nicest, most knowledgeble posters in your corner. Esp. Sandi is very valuable, because of her insight into a female mind, priceless.

V

Appreciate the words of support greatly! I'm making progress for sure, but still have a ways to go. Best of luck to you as well!