Tom this isn't bad advice with a couple of caveats. First, it doesn't have to be gender specific. A husband can also change things for the benefit of his W. I think this is what you were getting at in your response to Scout. The bald, Texan TV psychologist likes to say that if you want a better marriage, be a betters spouse! It takes someone that is deeply flawed (sociopath, psychopath, narcissist) to not respond positively to positive changes. So yes, being a better W can improve the marriage. Being a better H can improve the marriage.
The problem is that becoming super husband or super wife after BD rarely works. The only thing that works is to move on. Either they will wake up in time and realize what they are losing. Or they won't. But in both cases the LBS moving on is the right approach.
Totally agree, Steve. Stubbornness and obstinacy does not belong to only one gender! The same for healing outreaches!
As for trying this after BD, we are in violent agreement. Yet, for a struggling marriage, before BD, when one spouse is wavering back and forth -- especially when there is a lot of unresolved anger -- it might break the ice.
