I am so sorry that he performed the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine. You are going to see a lot of this along the way when he doesn't get his way. They flip from being "a bit normal to raving lunatics" in a matter of seconds) I found that the only way to deal w/my xh when he was like this was to change the subject very quickly. It throws them off balance.
Right now, you can't help him understand. Why? Because he's not being rational when he's that angry. You can't rationalize w/a nut.
He honestly doesn't have a clue as to what he wants. In his little mind, he thinks that he can use you as a punching bag, because you are a safe place to do so, but he doesn't understand that you are not a punching bag and you have feelings and they have been hurt. You must remember that his empathy chip is broken. You and only you are the sane one right now and you have to make your decisions on what the law states, not on his pity parties that tend to be coming out to play. They do not realize that there are consequences to every action that we all make and right now, he can't see the forest for the trees.
You handled yourself quite well...hang in there. I can't state enough that you will need to dig deeper for patience and you are not at fault for what is going on within his soul right now. You can't fix him because you didn't break him. You are a good person and I realize that you are replaying the conversation over and over in your head...but realize this...he's good at projection. You and only you know whether what he is saying is "live or memorex. Please do not allow his gaslighting or comments get to you. He's like a 2 year old, having a tantrum, because he can't get his way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
