I'm going to make a suggestion that is not according to DB principles. It might not sit well with you, but it's known to work. Nancy Missler (a Christian woman, yes I am a Christian) wrote a book that said that when a husband and wife are in chronic conflict, often the best way to fix it is for ... this is the hard part ... the woman to make the first move, and the woman to sacrificially serve the man for some period of time. Even if she is the one being wronged. It really doesn't take much, it just takes swallowing a little pride for the sake of the marriage.
How does it work? Without complaining or expecting to be acknowledged for it, change your appearance, behavior, and attitude. Start dressing really well around the house, better than just your normal baggies or sweats. Wear perfume, do your hair nicely. [Stay-at-home moms tend to let things go.] Spend time making more elaborate meals. Pick up after him without complaining. Avoid the usual traps you have that lead to complaining and bickering. Stop talking about sex, and stop making overtures toward sex. Give him more of the sweet MTM kisses that you mentioned above (MTM = Mary Tyler Moore kisses, the kind of chaste sweet wifely kisses that you saw on the Dick Van Dyke Show). If you have daily or weekly routines, keep them up but maintain a positive attitude.
He will notice, of course. What you want him to finally do is, after a week or two, ask you "why are you so different?" Then you give him the truth. You love him and you didn't think you were honoring him, as a man, husband and father enough. So you decided to improve yourself a bit. And it's been fun, and I'm thrilled you noticed, you tell him.
Tom this isn't bad advice with a couple of caveats. First, it doesn't have to be gender specific. A husband can also change things for the benefit of his W. I think this is what you were getting at in your response to Scout. (For full disclosure, I am devoutly Christian, but unfortunately the "man is the head of the woman" belief is scoffed at in modern western societies.) The bald, Texan TV psychologist likes to say that if you want a better marriage, be a betters spouse! It takes someone that is deeply flawed (sociopath, psychopath, narcissist) to not respond positively to positive changes. So yes, being a better W can improve the marriage. Being a better H can improve the marriage.
The problem is that becoming super husband or super wife after BD rarely works. The only thing that works is to move on. Either they will wake up in time and realize what they are losing. Or they won't. But in both cases the LBS moving on is the right approach.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
