I sent a PM to W asking for the notebook as it was important.
Divorced 10+ years. 98 out of 100 times I don't have this conversation. My son or daughter calls because it's their responsibility. This is not normally an essential interaction you have to have.
Originally Posted by Pack
Later that evening she called me, it went like this. W: Where were you? I called before to drop the notebook. I have found it, it was in my car. If your son forgets his notebook in the car it is not my fault, stop judging me as a mother.
This makes me wonder what your original message said. Unless she's projecting, it was probably something more than, "Hey! Son forgot his notebook. When can we pick it up?"
Originally Posted by Pack
Me: I dont and have never judged you, the notebook is important. Can you bring it?
1. In my world, the person with custody is the one responsible for checking if the kids have everything and doing any necessary driving to make that happen. 2. You could have stuck to business or acknowledged her. Instead, you defended/invalidated, "I NEVER judged you." Beware of all-or-nothing statements.
"Son says he needs it for school. When's a good time to pick it up?"
Note, I clarified its importance to Son. It's importance to you is not so important to her anymore.
Originally Posted by Pack
W: Not now, I am out and I called you when I had it. Me: I was working sorry, can you bring it later? W: No, I am not going to go and get it.
I've set the same boundary she set.
Originally Posted by Pack
Me: He needs it tomorrow for his lessons. I can come pick it up if you prefer. Will you be out all day? W: I dont have to give you explanations about my life. Me: I never asked for explanations
Pack, I get it, she gets triggered easily. Arguing with her isn't going to help. I'd either stop taking the bait and stick to business, or acknowledge her feelings (always) and opinions (when you agree) and move on: Approach #1 - "Is there a good time to retrieve his notebook? I could swing by either before 10pm tonight or before 8am tomorrow." Approach #2 - "Of course not. I meant, is there a good time to retrieve his notebook? I could swing by either before 10pm tonight or before 8am tomorrow."
Originally Posted by Pack
W: I will drop it by the school tomorrow morning. Goodbye Me: Bye
"Thanks!" -- I use "please" and "thank you" even with people I don't love interacting with. This could be a cultural difference.
