On the stupid laundry basket, she text me back three hours later and said she would leave one on the porch when I dropped off the kids stuff.
Dropping off the kids at school today was really hard. I started tearing up as I drove away, I parked and shed some tears in the parking lot. Got to work and a colleague asked how I was doing and that got me again - I could hardly talk and started to cry. Even typing this message I'm tearing up.
I'm finding that at this time, when I have the kids and they call her I get angry and jealous. I'm mad at her and I don't want them talking to her on my time - of course I allow it, I'm just sharing my feelings here.
And then as the clock winds down and I have to let the kids go and I know I won't see them for a couple of days, I just tear up and start to cry.
I want to talk to her to - I'd love to know how her tennis went yesterday, but missing her isn't my challenge right now. Its really focused on the time I'm losing with the kids. That's what is getting me the most.
I also want to let them be who they are and live their lives, but when I have them I'm worried I'm overburdening them by wanting to talk with them and spend time with them, such that they might feel pressured.
The next couple of weeks will just continue to be very hard. I'm dreading next week when I go five days without them. I'm trying to make plans to stay busy, but I'm still dreading it.
