I learned a simple lesson tonight. I texted my wife to ask for one of our laundry baskets back. We had four of them and she took all of them and I just wanted one (I now have none). So 3 hours later I’m sitting here gripping because i haven’t heard back. That was stupid. Go no contact, stay no contact, but a stupid laundry basket.
When you do things out of the emotion. Anger ("SHE TOOK ALL THE LAUNDRY BASKETS!"). A sense of right ("I SHOULD AT LEAST GET 1 OF THEM BACK!") Or even hurt: ("WHY WOULD SHE TAKE ALL 4 AND LEAVE ME WITH NONE?") It is hardly ever going to be the right thing. I learned in my own sitch years ago that when I was emotional, DB principles went out the window. But when I remained calm and even, and even chuckled at the circumstance ("Ha, she even took all 4 laundry baskets...what a nut!") then I was able to think clearly, remember what I had learned, and apply it.
It doesn't come naturally though. Our first instinct is to do what you did. I failed early on too, but I remained committed to DBing and got better at it. I was never separated from my W, we were IHS, but she did a lot of little things to "test" me. Learning to let go and realize BEFORE you give into your instincts that "it is just a laundry basket!" will eventually become easier for you.
One tactic we try to get LBSs to try is to come here and use the forum as a test balloon. "Hey, my STBXW took all 4 of the laundry baskets when she moved out. Should I text her and ask for one back?" The forum is really good at giving you advice before you take action. So next time you have the urge to fire off a text message, even in response, come here first and get advice.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
