No no no, Sage. Trust that he socks. Please stop gaslighting yourself and don’t entertain his attempts for a single minute.
I was kind of surprised to read that you believe you might be trying to nice him back. In what context do you want him back— husband or coparent? And why?
You cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick. Parallel parenting for a time might help you get the distance you need to get a more accurate perspective.
If you believe you have work to do on yourself, then do so independently of your relationship and any desired outcome. However, I suspect that you just need to gain some confidence in your own character.
