[Georgiabelle]

I hope everyone had a nice holiday. I kind of quietly keep up with everyone here. I’m sorry. I have to throw up on this board.

Ex Mr. GB says the kids have hurt his feelings about his new baby. He has totally ignored DS17 for the last 6 1/2 years and hasn’t been much better with DD15 and D10. It’s always about him. He said they were so hurtful to him that he’s rethinking Christmas gifts. I’m going to be snarky so call me out on it. Yes. Hurtful words to him always take precedent over the children’s feelings. Sigh. Call me a bad person. I am delighted that this baby is kicking his behind. Seriously. He looks like he’s aged 15 years and the kid is only two months old.

My company is being acquired by another large company in the next month. I hope not to be out of a job but I could be. For some reason, I just can’t be overly concerned about that right this minute. I mean I’m concerned. But I realized I only control what I can control. And I’m concerned because of Covid that I would have a difficult time finding another position. Some days I think about it a lot. Some days I don’t.

About 7 weeks ago, the guy that offered me a single chip reached out to me. Please know that I’m a relatively intelligent woman who is generally a good judge of character. I decided to meet him. For a man who talks about the importance of communication, that going silent or getting me to “guess” what happened is old. He said he was okay not having kids. We started seeing each other again and we were having fun. It seemed much more relaxed and he was really trying. Trying to get to know me and doing things that I liked. However, I always felt like no matter what I did there was something wrong with it. But I kept trying to push that feeling away. He’s very intense. I have no idea what happened (he always wants me to guess?) but he just ghosted. I just can’t take it any more. I just can’t. I don’t have it in me. I don’t believe all men are bad. Most of my friends are guys and I think they’re great people. I just can’t do it anymore. And I know it’s a numbers game but I just don’t think I can do it again. I watch other people and they are in relationship. My ex. His brother. His brother’s ex wife. All but me. And then I start wondering what’s wrong with me? And I know I’m flawed. I have lots of flaws. But I try to be self-aware.

I would like to meet someone age appropriate. I online dated for 6 days this year. I met 3 people. He was one. I love meeting people but I just can’t anymore. And I’m sure this will elicit eye rolls because I sound ridiculous. I’m closer to 50 than 40 but I do get lots of attention IRL and OLD. Not like a hot 25 year old woman trust me. I’m not delusional :-) I know looks fade-I know I’m at the tail end of this. I am considered conventionally very attractive for my age. I just don’t think I need to go out with another fitness model, actor, musician, artist, runway model, firefighters, former NBA practice squad players, news anchors, adult film actors (I found this out after a couple of dates) or fitness enthusiasts. And that’s all great. They have all been nice humans and some I really clicked with as people. Those are the only people who ask me out, though. I am not dumb. I know what the 30 year olds want. I do not get attached easily nor do I pursue. I have never been called needy or clingy. Quite the opposite. I try to work on being more vulnerable. I could write a book and I’ve only online dated for a total of less than 3 months in 6 years. I meet men fairly easily for a person who doesn’t OLD and rarely leaves her house. I’m not into looks. I just want someone I’m attracted to and vice versa who is also happy with his life. I don’t care what he does for a living but hopefully he’s happy with it. I don’t care how much money he has because money doesn’t buy happiness. I. Am. Done. And I need to make peace with it. My self esteem is shot. And I am very empathetic to men because I know they are expected to make the first move. Or to ask women out. And I totally understand that they get rejected often and I hate hearing that. I hate it when women are rude to men and treat them badly. I just can’t do it anymore though.

I know that I’m a bit worked up because bomb drop is five days after my birthday and my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. I just wish that I had found someone by now. And I think deep down inside I know I’m not going to. And I’m just struggling with that. So I’m sorry for being whiny. I’m crying and hopefully this too shall pass.

Sorry for the rant. I hope December is a great month for everyone. Love and positive energy to you all.