The big answer S2 is seeking - that his “normal”, his world view, is proper. Is it ok that sometimes I do not like Dad?
This made so much sense. Thanks D.
Gerda-- thank you for validating and sharing your experience. Your H is so unpredictable; being afraid is a sane response. It's a great idea to have an official record of abusive behaviour. I'll keep that in mind.
On Thursday, I sent what I hope will be the final email on the parenting plan matter. There is nothing else to discuss. There is nothing else he can possibly argue. He will either commit or stonewall. If he stonewalls, I'll initiate mediation as a formality and then a judge will enforce the plan we've agreed upon. It's so stupid. We already have to attend a hearing to finalise a divorce that was financially settled months ago. Now it's a possibility that we'll have to attend a hearing to finalise a parenting plan that's not even in dispute. What a waste of time and money. What a pest he is.
Pest aside, life continues to be awesome for me and S2. It's summertime. We spent the weekend at the beach with friends who just moved here from Kansas. The kids played in the ocean while we had beers and spicy Thai food and talking about the endless possibilities life has given us. S2 is brown as a berry after two full days in the sun and surf.
He's also old enough for the first time to understand the rituals of the holiday season. Every night after dinner, we walk barefoot around our quiet suburban neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. It's warm and dusky when we leave home and dark when we get back. The solar fairy lights hanging from our roof come alive while we're out walking. "Look, Mama!" he exclaimed the first night. "Santa came to turn our lights on!"
As part of this brave new Christmas arrangement with X, I've been thinking about what's important to me regarding the holidays and what beliefs I want to instill in S2.
1. Joy. Building excitement and anticipation throughout the holiday season with decorations, the tree, advent calendar, gingerbread house etc. We are loving the ceremony of lighting the tree before dinner each night. 2. Giving. Last week I took him to pick out small presents (socks, earrings) that he will be responsible for gifting to our family before he opens his own presents on Christmas or Boxing Day. 3. Fellowship. I've bought a ham with all the trimmings to bake for a Christmas orphan dinner and he can help me out in the kitchen, prep the table, welcome guests etc. 4. Gratitude. I want him to be amazed when presents appear under the tree, but to also understand how lucky and loved he is. I know he's still very young, but writing thank you cards seems like a good habit to begin.
