I’ve been on covid isolation too and devoid of all adult contact and actually spent thanksgiving all by myself. So I feel your pain, trust me. My exH actually invited me to thanksgiving with him and his wife ( which is his AP) ( it was my year to have our daughter, but I sent her there so she didn’t have to stare at the wall with me) . I politely declines, because without boundaries I wouldn’t have such a good coparenting relationship.
Which brings me to that aspect. I probably have one of the best coparenting relationships you’ll see here on these boards. And my ex probably did me the dirtiest. When I was pregnant with our first and only child , he was seeing her behind my back and left me for her when our daughter was 6 months old. On my case, the AP never went away. They married and are still married. I had 13 years of coparenting with my ex and his AP. Imagine that. I’ll cut to the chase though. The level of coparenting j have achieved came only after full detachment and not wanting him back at all. We are all friendly, his wife likes me, he likes me, and would just hang out with me if I were to allow, he all of a sudden after 13 years is very helpful and kind to me, helping with projects around my house, bringing me food, etc. I am the same way with him. But seriously, this degree and on this level cannot happen unless you have accepted the marriage is over and you yourself do not want this person back at all. And like I said, I have boundaries to keep it this way and one of those boundaries is never to celebrate a holiday together.
The comment your child made to you. It’s very observant. And I imagine what he said was his way of saying “ I’m also very confused by this behavior” and I am sure it truly is very confusing. Which is also why I limited playing family in the beginning. We did things like take her for Santa pictures together a d celebrate her birthday together and sit together at school stuff, and maybe 2 dinners together a year. But we knew it would be awfully confusing for her. It’s not anymore . She’s simply very happy to have 2 divorced parents who get along. I want you to think about what your child said. If it could be that confusing to you, how about them?
And on the messy house thing. I can’t help but laugh. I heard the same thing! And guess what. My house is decent and his is like a hoarders zone! His wife has a hoarding problem. I still have personal delight when I walk into his messy house and he walks into my mostly clean house . And I became obsessive after a while because the clutter bothered me. But I realize I live in an active home where people Are living. Time spent with my kid was more important than having a perfectly neat house. My parents were also OCD clean. My dad is still alive ( mom is not) and I get crazy before he comes over because he will comment on my level of cleanliness and it’s not always nice.
Your kids are loved and cared for. That’s number 1 and trumps all.
