Bomb dropped in June, I itially I thought WAW. Beg, plead, apologize. Soon find DBDR, start in earnest. Seem to have some progress, then progress stops. Get some DB Coaching, maybe MLC, maybe depression. Maybe affair? Me-Impossible!
W goes to nyc to see family and get space, however spends most time in friends vacant Manhattan apartment.
Comes back, now in separate br, and don’t come into bathroom when I’m in it, makes her uncomfortable. I agree no pressure space.
Well 2 days later comes home from work at about 8 pm, needs bubble bath to de stress. Oh, and H, can you fix tub hot water not working. Goes in bath, candles wine, soft music. Well guess what, I’m in the room next door and she has om on speakerphone!! 90 minutes!!
Comes out I say I know what’s going on. Her answer, What did you hear? Oh, that’s nothing, that’s my confidant. What! You have a confidant I don’t know about for 27 years?
Get DB coaching, give her the I know you’re having an affair, your a big girl, etc. speech only thing that seems to penetrate fog is telling her she’s going to lose daughter’s respect. Gaslight, I’m crazy, only daughter would think she’s have affair is if I (H) planted it.
Kids are clueless, they don’t see mom ghosting out all dressed up tons of perfume. Smells and looks good.
Wife ghost 6 to 8 hours four days in a row. Kids car breaks down, so one car for 3 people cuz mommy is nowhere to be found. Wife comes in about 1030 pm, tells d21 oh i can drive you! Really, you’re Mia but now you can help! I was drinking watching football, I tell W we don’t need you, bad argument, D21 crying cuz I’m attacking mommy. (If she only knew) D21 leaves sobbing, Me and wife still going at it.
I tell her you’re having MLC, you need help, You have a boyfriend and I’m not telling, I’m the only one looking out for you. She denies affair, a blantant easily disproven lie straight to my face ( I thinks this hurts me the worst)
Still “sneaking “ around, erases trip odometer, locks br door to text, DB coach says she’s like a teenager.
I’ve told her I’m not moving out, she has plenty of money to move. My plan at this get D17 into college summer 2021 then who knows?
Oh, and don’t bother posting the links, I’ve read them already. Thx for listening.
Nick, sorry man. I know this stinks. Here is the thing. Doesn't matter if it's a MLC. Or not. You can't fix it. All you can do is DB, move on, stop fighting against her crazy. I like telling her she can move out. I don't like using the kids against her or telling her she's having a MLC and to get help. That is not DBing, that's pressure and pursuit.
Focus off of her, onto you. Gal. 180s. Detachment. Those are your focus.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
