If your wife is having an MLC, she doesn't want to hear it. In her mind, she thinks she's okay and that you and the marriage are the problems and that is why she's unhappy. BTW, they do not like for us to diagnosis their problems. In fact, the best thing to do is...not discuss this type of stuff w/her. Of course, she's going to deny having a boyfriend. If it's MLC, she's going to become a very good liar, spend lots of money and will begin acting out like a star struck teenager. You are going to see lots of odd behavior and she will become the mirror image of her old self, i.e., she will become the exact opposite of who she once was. She's going to do whatever it takes to make her feel happy and alive once again. This behavior may continue for quite a while. What can you do about it? Treat her like a roommate...but I would suggest you set up separate bank accounts asap. Keep an eye your finances, especially joint credit cards.
I wouldn't have any more relationship talks with her, but she's not going to listen and the more you push, the harder she is going to pull away and run right into the arms of that other man. Right now, she looks to you to be an authority figure, i.e., like her father because of the questions, etc. that you have put to her. The best thing to do is focus on you and what you can do to help you and your D17 get through the holidays. Keep that focus on your D17 because she's going to need her dad during all of this.
Bottom line, you didn't break her, therefore you can't fix her. You can't control her and that means the only person that you can control is yourself. I'm glad to see that you've set your mind to not moving out.
Now, I'm going to ask you this...have you visited the MLC Forum and read the links there? If not, you should. The threads and postings over there may help you get a better handle on MLC...but you can post anywhere you wish...it is up to you.
Please try to remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Dig deeper for patience as it's a long road w/lost of twists and turns along the way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
