Oh, Gerda, I am so sorry you are going through this. Again. And again. What wretchedness.
You have the right attitude about only having to deal with it on *some* days, not everyday. And just think of the peace you have ahead of you, one day when this is all over. It's like a beautiful, sun-warmed field of wildflowers and you will dance through it like Julie Andrews, running your outstretched fingertips across the yielding flower heads until you collapse in bliss. That is your future, it will come.
On being unlovable, on the number that BD does to our self-esteem and self-worth: it is definitely the hardest piece of all of this for me. Do you know about Kintsugi? You are a queen of metaphors and I am sure you would love this if you are not already familiar. It is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. Instead of hiding the cracks of a broken piece, the flaws are highlighted by brilliant gold. And the resulting piece is even more beautiful than the original. That is you, my friend.
I hope the weekend gives you a moment of respite from all of this.
