Little Gerda Goes Forward with Courage and Safety

[Gerda]

And Gerda... let me add my voice to those who admire you deeply. The story about your Ls and then you finally standing up and managing it all on your own is pretty incredible. How good does it feel to take the reins of your own situation and know you're doing far better than all these professionals? You can do anything you want, and you'll kick @ss doing it.

one last little question on the refi-- have you talked to your bank recently? Just because rates are SO SO SO low right now, even with questionable rents it just might be doable, and they're incentivized to help find a way for you to make it work since you're in forbearance. (Maybe. I'm no expert, just wondering if you've explored it at all.)

Thanks for continuing to share with all of us!

May! This was so amazing to read. I was really just so moved by what you and Cardinal said. It really strengthened me over the past week. This mystery, to feel so bad about yourself, ugly, lame, undesirable, all those things we felt after BD (and before), and slowly to wake up and imagine that you are someone who can be loved. Looking back now I realize that H slowly but surely taught me how to feel unlovable. I thought it was just how men were, even my first few years posting here. I thought my love for him would heal everything. I'm only seeing things clearly now. Not that there was nothing good with H. There was a lot. And my journey brought me to a life of faith that has saved me in every way. But I think he may have been ill all along. And now I know, at least theoretically, that there are men who truly deeply love their wives, even if mine didn't and even if before H I seemed to only choose men who couldn't love.

Anyway, I don't participate in that many threads anymore so I didn't even know you knew who I was, let alone that you felt such nice things about me.

About the refi -- oh my yes. I might be the most knowlegable person on the threads when it comes to real estate. But the property in question has a jumbo mortgage on it. And there is tons of debt. And right now there is no rental income. So I am focusing on modifying the loans after forbearance, and buying time until I can refinance, when rents come back. My goal if I can't is to buy H out with a hard money loan and then flip my own house after fixing it up. So if I have to sell it, I will at least make some money on the sale. But my hope is that I will hold on to it until my kids go to college and keep using it to pay for their housing until then. Then I can renovate, sell it and use the money to pay for their education. I'm okay with any outcome but it's worth a try.