Hello and welcome to the boards. I am also the HD partner in what was a SSM and I know how difficult it can be - especially when so much of the resources around this assume that the HD partner is the man.
I look forward to hearing more from you and getting to know you.
I wanted to pick up on this:
Originally Posted by Steve85
[quote=1hedlite]
Also, for now, drop the 2nd baby thing. Seriously, do you really want to bring another child into this marriage? And then risk 50/50 custody with another child? It is illogical with everything going on in your MR to be entertaining a second baby. I know women feel the clock ticking and that causes them to throw logic, reason and caution to the wind. But that is just one more added piece of pressure you are putting on yourself, and him, and is easily lifted. This does not require a conversation with him. It simply means to stop worrying about it. And stop making it a goal.
I\m sure you already understand that now isn't a logical time for a new baby. I also am sure that if you were able to just stop worrying, then you would have done. This is a real grief. A huge and important grief. And part of GAL - helping you find yourself, your enjoyment, your own interests and friends, is also to respect and process and take care of your own feelings. This feeling of grief will not go away because you want to pretend to be logical and rational and reasonable. It needs careful taking care of. Your H can't do that for you - you have to do it for yourself. And it will be hard. It may even involve a period of counselling. But first, having compassion for yourself in that loss is important.
