Tonight when I put S2 to bed, he said “I don’t like Dad”. I asked why. He said “Because I only like Mama”. I replied “It’s okay to feel however you feel. I love you no matter what. But you know it’s okay to like both of us at the same time”. He also asked me if I loved his dad. I said “No, honey. I used to love him, but he’s not my friend anymore.” This unleashed a barrage of “why”s but I steered the conversation elsewhere. Did I do okay?
You did fine.
I love seeing a child all inquisitive. It is especially heartwarming to see that when S2 is being put to bed. He feels safe, secure, happy, trusting, and loved so much that he opens up. Bedtime is when they are starting to mull over and organize the happenings of the day. It shows S2 has had good days when he asks such questions.
The barrage of whys is pretty common. Especially for an understanding-seeking child. He asks why, because he is wondering and seeing if his ideas are right.
What is he actually after? Of course he wants to feel loved. By you and Dad. The big reason for the question is S2 is ensuring his “normal” is still ok, valid, and true. Children challenge there views all the time. And they will challenges your views all the time. It’s how one ensures their reality is true. S2 won’t long for Mom and Dad to love each other and have all those family events; for he doesn’t know different than what he is experiencing. His normal is different than your normal was growing up. The big answer S2 is seeking - that his “normal”, his world view, is proper. Is it ok that sometimes I do not like Dad?
It’s fine you told him that Mom and Dad aren’t friends. S2 sounds pretty smart, and there is a reason he is asking. He is ensuring his view matches your’s. Of course not as well articulated or understood by him, still nonetheless his wee mind and heart are growing and accumulating knowledge and acceptance of his world.
As I said, you did fine. And I know how these questions can come out of left field. When S2 said “I don’t like Dad”, it would have been interesting to respond not with why, but “oh, you mean like how you don’t like broccoli?”. He would still expand the conversation, just not from a direct question of “why”. I imagine his response would have been something like “No, not like that. I mean...”. A less direct approach of why allows a more freewheeled response.
You’re doing good scout.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
It’s how one ensures their reality is true. S2 won’t long for Mom and Dad to love each other and have all those family events; for he doesn’t know different than what he is experiencing. His normal is different than your normal was growing up. The big answer S2 is seeking - that his “normal”, his world view, is proper. 