Perhaps a better approach might be something along the lines of “sometimes grownups stop loving each other, but mommies and daddies ALWAYS love their children” or, since that’s not 100% true and your little smart cookie might notice that, you can just tell him “but I will ALWAYS love you” and point to how YOUR mom still loves you.
Those are good examples! I felt totally out of my depth with that question and especially being asked “why”.
Originally Posted by kml
BTW what’s your relationship like with your ex MIL?
It’s non-existent. I sent her a message in March to thank her for her kindness in welcoming me into her family but that I was filing for divorce after finding out about X’s affair. I made a point to say I would never keep S2 away from his dad and would always encourage his relationship with their family. She wrote back (after confronting X, unbeknownst to me, and him denying it) a brief message saying she was glad I’m moving on, she loved X and S2, and would keep in touch. Never heard from her again.
When X kidnapped S2, my mum called her to ask if he knew where they were. She said that X must be so fed up being denied access that he just had to take him. My mum was shocked and told her that I’d been offering overnight visits since the start of the year, but X had yet to take him. X-MIL told her that wasn’t true and my mum said “I helped Scout write the email.” She got off the phone pretty quickly after that. So no, she’s not a reasonable person and she doesn’t know me at all if she believes I would do that.
I have absolutely zero doubt that X has smeared, trashed, and destroyed my character to his family. Their view of me is based on his word and not what they know of me as a person. But they didn’t know me very well. X didn’t tell them he even had a girlfriend until we’d been dating for three years and living together. My interactions with them have always been surface level because that’s how they interact as a family. I always thought it was a weird dynamic and very different to my own family.
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can you require that both you and H get psych evals done prior to finalizing the custody agreement? Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about your fears and ask for suggestions?
I don’t know if that’s a thing here. X would NEVER agree to that. He thinks that field of science is a waste of time. I haven’t needed to see my psych since April (except for a one-off appointment after the kidnapping incident) but I could do that again. I know that family annihilations are extreme events and probably unlikely to happen. However there was an incident earlier this year in my city where a man trapped his ex wife and kids in their car and set them all on fire then killed himself— over a custody dispute. It really rattled me at the time. Too close to home.
