Hi everyone, thank you for your advice and support... I tested Covid - on day 6 and remain symptom-free so unlikely I have it. Hooray! Still in quarantine until 14 days since exposure pass, but I am feeling OK about it all.
It does mean that H is the only other adult I could spend Thanksgiving with and we have decided that we will spend it together as a family. Our interactions have improved since the 'Covid Day' and this feels like the best thing for me at the moment. The kids are excited about Thanksgiving and I don't really feel like doing it all on my own. These days I feel I can be happy and myself even when H is around. And so far, it has been about 2 months since in-person spewing happened, so it feels even safer than being on the phone at the moment.
We had another suspicion episode (while I was under quarantine... go figure), but I have decided to take the higher road on his jealousy and just explain my whereabouts or what I was up to as nonchalantly as if it were my mom asking. Maybe if we weren't in a global pandemic I would tell him to mind his own business, but for now this is the approach I am taking.
He asked me to pick up the kids the other night and when I arrived, he invited me in for a glass of wine and a chat, a first at his place (and the reason why he asked me to pick them up, but I didn't know it at the time). We talked about the schedule this week and some holiday-related stuff, but it felt easy and comfortable. These sorts of interactions are good tests to my detachment (I think I prefer non-attachment, but you guys know what I mean). How to experience them without any projections of what H is thinking or feeling. No expectations protect me the most.
H has been helping with homeschooling the past few days. I have been able to exercise almost daily. May, I love NYT's 7 min exercises... thanks for turning me onto them again! Also, 10-20-30 is another gem that I learned via NYT for HIIT workouts. I am truly not an exercise junkie, but these little bursts of endorphins are critical to my mental well-being, especially now.
And f*** the house. Wayfarer, I am so sorry for what your Stepdad did to you and it helped put it all in perspective for me. I am giving myself permission to clean if I need to for my own mental health and just leave it if I don't. I don't want H's monster comment of a year ago to be a trigger for me any longer. I am a single mom with four kids that I am homeschooling with very little help... I would never, ever judge another person about the cleanliness of their home so in what cruel world am I allowing so much self-judgement on this issue? And even more importantly I don't want my daughters to be defined by their ability to maintain a perfect home or not so I better start leading my example.
And helpfully, the kids and I came up with a point system for earning screen time. There is a list of things relating to both school and household chores; half the earned points are non-negotiable and the other half are chores that they can choose from to accrue their screen time. They were good about chores prior to this, but it has really upped the ante and they love that they are now being rewarded for their efforts (I am one of those moms that doesn't monetize chores... they live here, they can help out without pay like I do). And earning lots of extra points earns them more screen time so they are super motivated.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my US friends. Wishing you all, health and happiness!
