Tonight when I put S2 to bed, he said “I don’t like Dad”. I asked why. He said “Because I only like Mama”. I replied “It’s okay to feel however you feel. I love you no matter what. But you know it’s okay to like both of us at the same time”. He also asked me if I loved his dad. I said “No, honey. I used to love him, but he’s not my friend anymore.” This unleashed a barrage of “why”s but I steered the conversation elsewhere. Did I do okay?
He has been verbalising more positive thoughts about his dad recently eg. “Dad is my friend” to which I always respond positively. I think it’s a good thing he feels that way.
You did fantastic on the first part of S2's questioning. Perfect responses. But on the final question regarding your feelings, I agree with being completely honest with kids. And I also agree with KML-- S2 might be a bit too young to understand that Mama can love someone and then not love them. Young children are narcissists by design and every question is them trying to make sense of THEIR world and their place in it. (Rather than really wanting to know your deep feelings or the world at large). Having said this, I am not encouraging you to reframe the question for S2 or change your answer unless he asks again. Too much focus on something makes kids nervous.
You are doing great with encouraging a R between S2 and his dad. And I truly believe that once things are settled with the custody agreement and the D, you will find yourself much less bothered by everything to do with exH and that will show in every aspect of your life: questions from S2, your reaction to H's behavior and your fear of retribution from H.
Having said that last part, if you feel like you might be in any sort of danger, I strongly encourage you to take appropriate steps in getting things documented-- can you require that both you and H get psych evals done prior to finalizing the custody agreement? Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about your fears and ask for suggestions? It is not completely uncommon in the US for psych evals to be a part of a parenting plan-- it tends to be more palatable when both parties are subject to them. And certainly since H's 'kidnapping' episode, that would be an easy sell to any court system here.
