moving forward and beyond #2

[may22]

Yeah, Wooba!!

I'm imagining how freeing and empowering it will be when you get that job and the steady stream of income, and work out child care, and do it all on your own. You can and you will and it will be fantastic.

In/re child support, if/when you do move back to the US, the child support arrangements can change, right? That is my understanding in my state, at least-- custody and child support can always be readdressed down the line if circumstances change. I'm sure you have probably already gone through these scenarios with your L, but if not, it may make sense to understand what happens if you both move back to the US, which state and/or if you would be allowed to move back to the US if he does not. Would you need his permission? Are you getting primary physical custody? If you move back to your home state, can you petition the court there for an increase in child support at that time? Can you convert any of your shared assets to an income stream or tap into them for cash if you need that now? Would there be any leverage for you there-- for instance if you own a home together, could you force a sale to give you access to funds, and would that bother him enough to consider more child support now? IDK, I'm not an L, just thinking out loud. It seemed to me that your L's stated bargaining chip probably won't go very far with your H anyway, so wondering if there was any other potential leverage.

I've been thinking about the story with your S11 and needing to call dad to get permission to go on the trip. It broke my heart. What a f!$kwit. It feels like your son is in an impossible situation. I'm glad you were able to talk with him and call your H and get it all sorted out for him. It brought up so many questions for me, in addition to when can you tell your kids their dad is an alcoholic... would your son have not gone on the trip rather than risk asking his dad and being told no?

I'm flailing around on this one. If you guys were still together, I'm assuming you and your H would have discussed the trip and permission and decided together about whether or not S could go, and delivered that message to him as a parental unit. (or maybe you would have just signed the permission slip and been done with it.) That is gone, now. Is that something you need to wean your children away from slowly? How do they learn how to navigate this new system? Is your H even capable of functioning as half of a co-parenting unit? I'm sorry if these are hurtful questions and I don't mean them that way... it just really struck me as such a rough place for everyone to be, and wondering how that incident feels now, a week later. Sending hugs.