A shouldn’t have but a conversation fired up. At some point I asked her “why did you tell me all that stuff?”
Fired up? You mean when you practically begged for a R talk? You made yourself look pitiful, which is not an attractive quality to your WW. Stop chasing a woman who cheats, betrays and disrespects you.
Please listen to me. Relationship talks do not work with WW's who are having an affair with another man. Apparently, you still think of her being the wife you use to know. This is not the girl you married, Steve. This did nothing but enable more disrespect from her. The stuff she says to you....... I've read hundreds of times, from other WW's! It's as if they all read from the same play book. And, trust me, she's much better at manipulating you, than you are her. The more you try to have a heart to heart with her ......the more fire power you are giving her, and she will definitely use it. You can't change how she thinks, but you can certainly change how YOU think. That's where it has to start........with a different mental attitude. Don't confuse it with emotions/feelings. Currently, your emotions are in control of a lot of your decisions, so that's what needs to change.
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She then said “why can’t you just say F you and hate me? I betrayed you and you still want me dude? Wtf, just hate me!”
Yep! I have read that one, too! Probably sounds rather hopeful to a leg-clinger, but it's only dramatics....that's all.
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The only thing I can do is give her space, let her have the divorce she wanted and just keep my mouth shut.
Really? Do you really believe this, or just repeating what you've heard others say?
Most of the stories I've read about WW's, and in my own personal sitch.......want to be friends with the LBH. However, the LBH cannot be friends with her b/c his definition of friendship is not the same as her definition. The WW will use and abuse you every chance she has. You don't even realize what she's doing. Her mission is to keep you emotionally attached. Now, don't get confused about what that means. It doesn't mean she is having second thoughts about going back to you. It doesn't mean any of the things you wish it would mean. There's a lot of very unattractive attributes in a WW, and this is only one example. Her cheerfulness, chattiness, friendliness, joking around..........mean nothing!!!! She baits you all the time, and you are either too blind to see it for what it is........or just plain too weak to resist the pull. If it's the latter, then you will have no peace in your life until you make up your mind to cut the emotional rope you are clinging to for dear life!
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She put up a boundary because I wouldn’t.
Don't worry, she didn't mean it.
Do you even know what we mean by boundaries? What do you plan to do the next time she contacts you by sending you a meme, a photo of the kids, or is just in a chatty mood? Don't think for a second there won't be a next time. She's going to continue playing this game until she learns she can't play with your head and keep you emotionally attached.
You know all that cr@p she was saying about the OM and his kids.......(apparently forgetting what she'd done to her H and kids)? I knew immediately what was happening with her, b/c I had the same crazy mindset. She will think of what's best for OM and his kids before she begins to feel concern for you and her own children. For a while, she may even be a better mom to his kids, b/c she trying to "win" them. Her emotional focus is on OM, and you won't change it by anything you say.
Steve, you need a plan to help you get through this period in your life. I don't think you've dropped the rope enough to put a plan together, b/c you're too focused on WW. When you can get to the place where you don't link every word, thought, and action with her, it will be progress in moving forward with living. Until then, how will you fill the days and nights to come? How will you effectively handle the surprises she has up her sleeve? I say surprises, b/c I'm always reading posts from LBH's who say their WW caught them off guard.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
