Steve_'s LRT phase 2

[Steve_]

Yeah I know I can’t talk to her anymore. It’s hurting both of us actually, more so me. Each time I distance myself, find something else to think about she pops in and I meltdown all over again. Worse and worse.

I think about her constantly, im scared to death to see her, I haven’t in a couple weeks now and I’m avoiding it. I constantly have thoughts of her with him. How horrible it is that he took my beautiful wife and how my entire life, home and relationship with my children got destroyed. I feel like the pain will never end and the more she moves on and gets happier the more it hurts me. It makes me feel as if I meant nothing, and honestly I probably didn’t since she left me for a person I thought was my friend, she already is being mom to his kids when she hated doing it for ours. And she says how he is so good to her, hasn’t hurt her and how he takes care of everything she wants. It all sounds like her life is so perfect and mine is destroyed. I know it won’t be this way forever but right now it seems that way. I feel hopeless and depressed. Everything in life is pointless and meaningless now. To be totally honest I still hope she will see something and come back, that he will mess up somehow or she will. But that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. And even if it does the more I stay available the higher chance she leaves him for someone else too. I’m scared my wife will marry him and live happily ever after with him. Everything I do comes from fear, loss, pain. The divorce papers just got sent into the court a few weeks ago and she’s already got a whole new life it feels like a cut that just keeps bleeding. That is where I am out right now. And that is why I know and I really do know I cannot talk to her more that is absolutely necessary for the kids. Because I will never ever feel better if I don’t.